Use me

Use me

For I am a forgotten wish

A shiny coin tossed in a beaten well

The pretty petals plucked from a dainty flower

Stunning stars sprinkling the sapphire sky

That once held your gaze and granted your wish

Now hidden in the light of a new day

While you search for happiness in the sun

 

Use me

For my body is nothing more than dust and wind

I can damage your soul in a whirlwind of hate

Like a tornado spiraling out of control

With no direction and even less grace

An earthquake that claims more than you were willing to give

Crumbling your world into the very dust

You once left me in when you walked away

 

Use me

For my mind is as wicked as it is magnificent

Like a terrifying predator ripping through its kill

Smearing rich blood on its exotic coat

A fleeting romance that ends in woeful heartache

A love letter that turns ugly

Sealed with my signature red lips

Because I have no shame

 

Use me

For I have held your fickle heart in mine

Like a golden locket without a picture

A withering book with faded words and lost pages

The midnight sky with no moon in sight

A bed with two pillows and a vacant side

A lifeless body missing its soul

And just like that, you’ve rendered me empty

Falling

I’ve done it again

I jumped, trying to fly

Only to find myself plummeting

Falling into life and its crooked ways

 

I’ve been in constant descent since I was kid

Maybe even longer

I fall for everything

And damn it, it feels good all the way down

 

Sweet talk giving color to my cheeks

Lies that turn into broken promises

Humans that love only themselves

Ironically, I’m one of them

Temptation because yes, please, I want it badly

Love when it tastes like freedom

Hearts too pretty to pass up

Souls that match my own

Words as real as death

The magic of being lost in nature

Wishes that never come true

Cravings I can’t quite satisfy alone

Dreams that leave me wanting

A touch to make me tremble

Soft lips I can’t resist

A charming wink to melt for

A stare that strikes me down with eyes that draw me in

Smiles that steal my heart, ready to break it

 

All these things leave me weak

They give me false wings

For a chance to destroy myself

And those around me

But no matter the cost

I’ll never stop falling

I Don’t Know How

I don’t know how to be good for you

I don’t know how to be what you need

With everything I’ve done

And all that I’ve said

All I want is to be just that

But I don’t know how

 

I don’t know how to be right for you

I don’t know how to be there for you

I wish I could with all my heart

So I can finally end my search

With you and you only

But I just don’t know how

 

I don’t know how to be on fire for you

I don’t know how to be careful with you

I hope to learn for my soul’s sake

So life doesn’t feel this lonely

And I won’t give up so easily

But I really don’t know how

 

I don’t know how to be me with you

I don’t know how be full with you

With all the hardships I’ve faced

And every lesson I’ve learned

You would think I could do so

But sadly, I don’t know how

Everything I Am

They call me a dreamer

Saying my head is in the clouds like it’s a bad thing

My heart is full of hope

And my eyes awestruck by wonder

 

They call me a hippie

I remind them of wildflowers and sunshine

I spread peace and love to all with just a smile

I dance in the rain and crave to be free

 

They call me a poet

A true lover of words

A teller of tales

A hopeless romantic

 

They call me ditsy

A foolish little girl with no direction in life

Naive to believe in every lie

Innocent and sweet and I like it that way

 

They call me a runner

Because I never stay put

I leave everyone I love behind

To save them from myself

 

They call me a lost soul

As I have never found my way

I follow different paths

And lose myself in a single person

 

But I’ll never forget the man who found me in the forest

And refused to let me run

Who fell for my sweet nature

And shared my love for words

A man who stares deep into my smiling eyes

And dreams along with me

Damaged

You painted my soul with colors we can only dream up

And you brought them to life with the intensity piercing from your dark stare

My heart was once filled to the brim because of you

But you drank from it and left me empty

 

You breathed your desire on my skin

And smeared passion on my lips

We devoured each other until there was nothing left

I’ve never felt so used, have you?

 

Your love was toxic

I’m still draining the poison from my heart

I remember the nights you licked the lust off my curves

You glared at me with hungry eyes and I thought I would melt before you

 

We shattered each other time and time again

You ripped me apart and I wrecked you

But I’ll love your damaged heart if you’ll love mine

Our broken pieces can fit together

I Am Me And Nothing More

I’m lost when I’m with others
For no one else can save me
I’m forgotten when I’m needed
Forsaken when I’m used
I’m wise to play the fool
So no one knows what my brain can do

I’m a free spirit trapped inside myself
A caged heart searching for the very fire to melt the bars of its bone prison
I’m a wild card who lost her edge
I run around in circles living a life of pure dread
Stuck in a cycle of self pity and hate
But I love myself more than any other soul

I crave attention and touch
Yet I hate to be bothered
I want the world in my hands but I despise it so
I want your ears
Knowing I’ll never be understood

I’ve turned love into a game
And I detest losing
I’ll lure you in and leave you wanting
Still I’ll curse your name if you dare make me wait
Plead with me and I may show you mercy
But don’t expect to here me beg

I have too much pride and low self esteem
I praise my own name
Yet I put myself down
My faults are many
Still I’ll never change
I’ll make a wish and believe it so
Then laugh at another’s superstition

Because I am an angel without a halo
And I am wicked with a pretty soul
I am yours and somebody else’s
Then I am nobody’s but my own
You may posses my heart and still it will search
You can hold me captive but I will run free
Let me go and I might stay near
Or maybe I will float away like the petals from a dandelion blown by your wind

I never know what I’ll do until I finally do it
I care what others think until I’m hurt and shaken
And suddenly my heart is stone and nothing more can break it

When you want tamed, I am wild
When you want more, I am less
I am a natural disaster leaving everyone I love in the wake of my destruction
I stand before you but I am gone
I hear but I do not heed

I am naked before you wearing my favorite flaws
Don’t undress what you can’t appreciate
Don’t let your judgement cloud your sight
I have been tossed aside many a time
But I am meant to be admired
For I am the moon dusting the mountains                                                                       Displayed for all to see yet just out of reach

I am a wanderess without a compass
I am a queen with a flower crown
I demand your everything or nothing at all
I am the desire that seeps from the heart
I am the words that spill from treasured tongues
The lust that drips from supple lips

I am what you want
Never what you need
I am me and nothing more

Who were you?

who were you?

to follow me to
my hidden place
to take me from 
my controlled
space? to feed me
from your broken
hands that roamed
around at every 
chance

who were you?

to force your
storms inside my
life? Put me
through your 
worldly strife
bottle up my
words so tight
pluck the wild
out from my light

who were you?

who spoke with
love laced in 
hate? Possessed
a thirst that
could not wait
to command the
tears from my 
soul, break apart 
what once was
whole

who were you?

to watch me whither
with each breath
left alone
caressing death
only to awake 
again, knowing
this is not
The End

Almost Sane

IMG_20170227_202324_346

I’m not in denial

I know I’m a flake. I’m a moocher, a liar, a procrastinator. A pushover, an enabler, a loner and a fool.

I won’t seek forgiveness.

I flake because I’m sick and tired. I mooch out of necessity. I lie to keep everyone safe from my truths. And I procrastinate from being overwhelmed.

I’m afraid to stand up for myself. I fear confrontation. I play dumb to keep others from seeing that I know too much. I’m a loner from being let down so often and judged by everyone. And I’m a fool for all my unspoken thoughts.

I’m still a beautiful soul.

I love deeply, I sing sweetly, I hold dearly. I’m passionate when no one is watching. I’m strong when no one expects it. I’m happy and hopeful. I’m a dreamer at heart and a realist from experience. I laugh fully and I believe in myself.

Why should I change?