Me Without You

I lost myself in a dream of you

Only to find

Our reality was my nightmare

I slowly burned my morals

For you

Picking apart my very soul

To please the dark in you

I bathed myself in a pool

Of self-loathing thoughts

I chipped my heart away

Until my love was nothing more

Than shattered remnants of

A beautiful soul cast out

Broken

Lost

Forgotten

Maybe you didn’t notice

If only

You would loosen your grip

On my aching heart

You might see

The flicker in the dust

The flame in the ashes

The glow in the shadows

Of our bitter truth

The filth that

Love couldn’t reach

You can’t see it

But

That fire that grows

That blaze that burns

Slightly brighter everyday

Is me

Rebirthing for something new

You don’t own me

Your control is slipping

And finally

I can breathe again

I can be me

Without you

And that kills you

My resurrection is killing you

But I won’t stop

You’ll never stifle me

I remember who I am

Away from you

And I adore

Every bit of me

Who am I?

Who am I?

I search for the answer in the souls of others

What I find is all too misleading

To men, I am nothing more than my curves

Something to lust after and grope

I am a pretty face with a tragic heart

With my heart as an obstacle and my face the target

 

Who am I?

If you ask my mother

I am a wonderful creature that can do no wrong

A light in the dark

A burst of magic in a dreary world

The sweetest pair of sunshine eyes

Her own little piece of happiness

 

Who am I though?

If you ask my sister

I’m a promiscuous being

A wild flirt turning chaos into adventure

I’m fun and free and full of life

A belly full of laughs

And a mind full of dreams

 

Still, who am I?

If you ask my husband

I’m a great mother and a caring wife

A sweet girl with a lost soul

Indecisive, lonely and scared

A hopeless romantic who’s forgotten how to love

Someone who can’t be trusted

 

But who am I?

If you ask me, I have no clue

I’m a wildfire consuming life in its path

I’m a daring fool with an open heart

The most selfish selfless person to walk this Earth

I’m a carefree, spirited lover

With an emptiness that has yet to be filled

 

Maybe now you don’t want to know me

But if you still do, good luck

I Am Me And Nothing More

I’m lost when I’m with others
For no one else can save me
I’m forgotten when I’m needed
Forsaken when I’m used
I’m wise to play the fool
So no one knows what my brain can do

I’m a free spirit trapped inside myself
A caged heart searching for the very fire to melt the bars of its bone prison
I’m a wild card who lost her edge
I run around in circles living a life of pure dread
Stuck in a cycle of self pity and hate
But I love myself more than any other soul

I crave attention and touch
Yet I hate to be bothered
I want the world in my hands but I despise it so
I want your ears
Knowing I’ll never be understood

I’ve turned love into a game
And I detest losing
I’ll lure you in and leave you wanting
Still I’ll curse your name if you dare make me wait
Plead with me and I may show you mercy
But don’t expect to here me beg

I have too much pride and low self esteem
I praise my own name
Yet I put myself down
My faults are many
Still I’ll never change
I’ll make a wish and believe it so
Then laugh at another’s superstition

Because I am an angel without a halo
And I am wicked with a pretty soul
I am yours and somebody else’s
Then I am nobody’s but my own
You may posses my heart and still it will search
You can hold me captive but I will run free
Let me go and I might stay near
Or maybe I will float away like the petals from a dandelion blown by your wind

I never know what I’ll do until I finally do it
I care what others think until I’m hurt and shaken
And suddenly my heart is stone and nothing more can break it

When you want tamed, I am wild
When you want more, I am less
I am a natural disaster leaving everyone I love in the wake of my destruction
I stand before you but I am gone
I hear but I do not heed

I am naked before you wearing my favorite flaws
Don’t undress what you can’t appreciate
Don’t let your judgement cloud your sight
I have been tossed aside many a time
But I am meant to be admired
For I am the moon dusting the mountains                                                                       Displayed for all to see yet just out of reach

I am a wanderess without a compass
I am a queen with a flower crown
I demand your everything or nothing at all
I am the desire that seeps from the heart
I am the words that spill from treasured tongues
The lust that drips from supple lips

I am what you want
Never what you need
I am me and nothing more

Almost Sane

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I’m not in denial

I know I’m a flake. I’m a moocher, a liar, a procrastinator. A pushover, an enabler, a loner and a fool.

I won’t seek forgiveness.

I flake because I’m sick and tired. I mooch out of necessity. I lie to keep everyone safe from my truths. And I procrastinate from being overwhelmed.

I’m afraid to stand up for myself. I fear confrontation. I play dumb to keep others from seeing that I know too much. I’m a loner from being let down so often and judged by everyone. And I’m a fool for all my unspoken thoughts.

I’m still a beautiful soul.

I love deeply, I sing sweetly, I hold dearly. I’m passionate when no one is watching. I’m strong when no one expects it. I’m happy and hopeful. I’m a dreamer at heart and a realist from experience. I laugh fully and I believe in myself.

Why should I change?