Fuck It

You’re getting sick of me

We held on foolishly

We should just never be

It’s time that we both see

 

That we’re both fuckin fools

We fucked up all the rules

 

Sacrifices you make

And everything I take

This cycle needs to break

It’s all a big mistake

 

Yea, we’re so fuckin done

Cause all I do is run

 

I dream of better days

You’re always in a haze

And when I give you praise

We’re right back in the craze

 

We fucked up all our luck

Now we don’t give a fuck

 

Everyday we try

We feed ourselves that lie

The price is just too high

It’s time to say goodbye

 

But I still fuckin stay

It’s just another day

Broken

You wonder why you’re broken

You didn’t smell the lies in time

When you love with your eyes

And trust with your ears

You give your heart

For a moment of passion

You lose yourself

For a chance of acceptance

You don’t even know your worth

You don’t feel bits of your soul

Sprinkle the earth

As it’s crushed by the grip

Of another’s ego

Don’t you miss it, Love?

What did you expect?

When you act like a fool

You get taken for a fool

Rumors

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I can feel the whispers

I feel them consume my thoughts

As they leak from toxic tongues to eager ears

Words shouldn’t wear such ugliness

 

Lapping tongues drink from the pool of arrogance

While sightless friends bathe in the shallows of their shame

There are women around each corner watching my every step

Determining my next move

They smile with upended faces

Knowing not that I can read them

They are the first to talk

Yet they speak only untruths

And feeble minded men flock at their feet

To, once again, drink of the puddles dripped from egos

 

As I discern the whispers and condemning looks

I wonder, is there truth in lies? Reason in judgement?

I question my own integrity

I listen with my heart as they pierce my soul

 

Because words have power

Something my mother always told me

But does she know the damage her words inflict on me?

The words she dare not speak to me

Secrets shared, spoken afar

Maybe she never will

But still, I’ll feel them

Almost Sane

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I’m not in denial

I know I’m a flake. I’m a moocher, a liar, a procrastinator. A pushover, an enabler, a loner and a fool.

I won’t seek forgiveness.

I flake because I’m sick and tired. I mooch out of necessity. I lie to keep everyone safe from my truths. And I procrastinate from being overwhelmed.

I’m afraid to stand up for myself. I fear confrontation. I play dumb to keep others from seeing that I know too much. I’m a loner from being let down so often and judged by everyone. And I’m a fool for all my unspoken thoughts.

I’m still a beautiful soul.

I love deeply, I sing sweetly, I hold dearly. I’m passionate when no one is watching. I’m strong when no one expects it. I’m happy and hopeful. I’m a dreamer at heart and a realist from experience. I laugh fully and I believe in myself.

Why should I change?