Use me

Use me

For I am a forgotten wish

A shiny coin tossed in a beaten well

The pretty petals plucked from a dainty flower

Stunning stars sprinkling the sapphire sky

That once held your gaze and granted your wish

Now hidden in the light of a new day

While you search for happiness in the sun

 

Use me

For my body is nothing more than dust and wind

I can damage your soul in a whirlwind of hate

Like a tornado spiraling out of control

With no direction and even less grace

An earthquake that claims more than you were willing to give

Crumbling your world into the very dust

You once left me in when you walked away

 

Use me

For my mind is as wicked as it is magnificent

Like a terrifying predator ripping through its kill

Smearing rich blood on its exotic coat

A fleeting romance that ends in woeful heartache

A love letter that turns ugly

Sealed with my signature red lips

Because I have no shame

 

Use me

For I have held your fickle heart in mine

Like a golden locket without a picture

A withering book with faded words and lost pages

The midnight sky with no moon in sight

A bed with two pillows and a vacant side

A lifeless body missing its soul

And just like that, you’ve rendered me empty

I Don’t Know How

I don’t know how to be good for you

I don’t know how to be what you need

With everything I’ve done

And all that I’ve said

All I want is to be just that

But I don’t know how

 

I don’t know how to be right for you

I don’t know how to be there for you

I wish I could with all my heart

So I can finally end my search

With you and you only

But I just don’t know how

 

I don’t know how to be on fire for you

I don’t know how to be careful with you

I hope to learn for my soul’s sake

So life doesn’t feel this lonely

And I won’t give up so easily

But I really don’t know how

 

I don’t know how to be me with you

I don’t know how be full with you

With all the hardships I’ve faced

And every lesson I’ve learned

You would think I could do so

But sadly, I don’t know how

To Love From Hate

I was born from you
When you went sour
You set me free
I reveled in your loss
I gathered your broken pieces
I put them together the best I could
But everything I touch turns ugly
I envy your happy smile
And the way you draw others to you
I hate your joy
It suffocates me so
When you’re miserable
I can finally breathe
I can spread to those you’ve touched
And make them mine
Hold them captive
Because I’m lonely

I bet you didn’t know I can love too
I love to hate you

Broken

You wonder why you’re broken

You didn’t smell the lies in time

When you love with your eyes

And trust with your ears

You give your heart

For a moment of passion

You lose yourself

For a chance of acceptance

You don’t even know your worth

You don’t feel bits of your soul

Sprinkle the earth

As it’s crushed by the grip

Of another’s ego

Don’t you miss it, Love?

What did you expect?

When you act like a fool

You get taken for a fool

Rumors

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I can feel the whispers

I feel them consume my thoughts

As they leak from toxic tongues to eager ears

Words shouldn’t wear such ugliness

 

Lapping tongues drink from the pool of arrogance

While sightless friends bathe in the shallows of their shame

There are women around each corner watching my every step

Determining my next move

They smile with upended faces

Knowing not that I can read them

They are the first to talk

Yet they speak only untruths

And feeble minded men flock at their feet

To, once again, drink of the puddles dripped from egos

 

As I discern the whispers and condemning looks

I wonder, is there truth in lies? Reason in judgement?

I question my own integrity

I listen with my heart as they pierce my soul

 

Because words have power

Something my mother always told me

But does she know the damage her words inflict on me?

The words she dare not speak to me

Secrets shared, spoken afar

Maybe she never will

But still, I’ll feel them

Almost Sane

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I’m not in denial

I know I’m a flake. I’m a moocher, a liar, a procrastinator. A pushover, an enabler, a loner and a fool.

I won’t seek forgiveness.

I flake because I’m sick and tired. I mooch out of necessity. I lie to keep everyone safe from my truths. And I procrastinate from being overwhelmed.

I’m afraid to stand up for myself. I fear confrontation. I play dumb to keep others from seeing that I know too much. I’m a loner from being let down so often and judged by everyone. And I’m a fool for all my unspoken thoughts.

I’m still a beautiful soul.

I love deeply, I sing sweetly, I hold dearly. I’m passionate when no one is watching. I’m strong when no one expects it. I’m happy and hopeful. I’m a dreamer at heart and a realist from experience. I laugh fully and I believe in myself.

Why should I change?